- 1. Insecurity Is Surprisingly Common
- 2. Insecurity Makes Us Want to Overextend Our Need To Please
- 3. Insecurity Warps Our Sense of Self-Attraction
- 4. Insecurity Could be Tied to Other Health Issues
- 5. Just Talk It Out
- 6. Your Worth Is Not Exclusively Tied to Your Relationship
- 7. Trust and Insecurity Are Opposite Sides of the Pole
- 8. Insecurity Could be an Underlying Red Flag
- Final Thoughts
It can be immensely troubling when you feel insecure about yourself. Throw in a relationship into the mix, and suddenly the problem is a thousand-fold.
As an aspiring therapist, I’ve seen a lot already, but insecurity is a lot more common than we think.
For example, our insecurities may be heightened in relationships, even if it is not immediately obvious to the outsider. Our behaviours don’t exist in a vacuum and may fluctuate depending on the mixture of forces within you and outside of you.
Just remember, in a relationship, it takes two people to make it work. If your partner is there by your side, they love you, just as you love them. You deserve that love just as much as anyone else.
1. Insecurity Is Surprisingly Common
A lot of people don’t realize that insecurity is a lot more common than we think. Even if it’s unhealthy behaviour, it just means that you’re dealing with a lot of uncertainty especially as you explore the various milestones associated with your relationship.
Once you build that foundational network through experience and time, you will be able to collaboratively lay out the rules and norms set in the relationship.
2. Insecurity Makes Us Want to Overextend Our Need To Please
Often, we worry about not meeting up to the needs of our partners. On the upside, this is a collaborative partnership. Perhaps they have backed you up in the past. Therefore, there’s proof that can continue supporting you.
If you are worried about something like this, you can let them know, and have a conversation about it. It’s better to let it out in the open than to keep it inside, where it will continue to warp your sense of perception.
The other hope is that if your partner is feeling the same, they can let you know about their insecurities too.
3. Insecurity Warps Our Sense of Self-Attraction
Mutual attraction is typically a given, especially in the beginning stages of the relationship where the romantic flames are roaring. As the years go by, people may get more comfortable with their bodies and spend more time showing some of the sides of themselves that they wouldn’t share with others.
The worry is that when we do this, our partners will find ourselves less attractive. However, true love generally prevails, and there will always be something about you that is still attractive to your partner (hence them still being there).
4. Insecurity Could be Tied to Other Health Issues
Sometimes, when people are insecure in a relationship, it could be correlated to one’s physical or mental health history. For example, perhaps you have a recurring history of chronic pain.
Alternatively, it could even be an underlying sign of previous traumas, that have spiraled into an untapped bout of anxiety or depression. Perhaps you’re insecure because you were previously dumped by someone and you’re worried that the same will happen again.
Just remember that your partner chose you, and no one else. Your current partner is not the same person as your ex-partner.
Check to see if there is a pattern to when you felt last insecure. Perhaps you only feel insecure at certain times of the day and especially after a long day at work. When in doubt, try to map it out and even brainstorm about it with your partner.
5. Just Talk It Out
While it is daunting to bring up insecurity in a conversation, this is your partner that you’re talking about and you’re in it for the long haul. Your relationship is the most impactful investment that you will make in your entire life.
Let that sink in.
Keeping things inside will only make the situation worse, so you will have to find the strength within you to talk about serious things with them. If not know, then it will eventually come out in the form of an argument, which is probably a bad time to bring it up.
Instead, just approach it as how you would other things.
“Honey, I wanted to explore this issue of insecurity. I worry that I am not keeping up with the pace of the relationship. I don’t know why I think like this but this is how I feel. What do you think?”
6. Your Worth Is Not Exclusively Tied to Your Relationship
Even though you are in a relationship, you are not just a partner, you are your own person. Recognizing and accepting that are you worthy of being heard will be a journey, but it can help instill some self-confidence.
While you are in a relationship, the way you convey yourself is different from how you are on your own. At least you are learning to navigate the complexities of being surrounded by others, accumulating wisdom in your wake.
Once you feel better about your own self, then it will be much easier for your partner to appreciate and see the bigger picture. If you cannot accept yourself, it will be harder to for others to see what you don’t see.
7. Trust and Insecurity Are Opposite Sides of the Pole
Trust is the key ingredient against insecurity. If you have too much insecurity, it may affect your ability to trust your partner and your partner’s judgement, even if they haven’t necessarily done anything wrong.
If you trust the process, you will learn to gradually accept that your partner does things because they simply love you. Simple trust-building activities like cooking a meal together, or walking the dog together can help foster that trust-like behaviour.
Just make sure to keep these trust-building activities a habit and when your insecurities flare up, remind yourself of those positive memories you’ve had so far.
8. Insecurity Could be an Underlying Red Flag
While small bouts of insecurity can be common, there are times where a lot of it can be particularly problematic. If it persists to the extent that it actually harms you or others, it may be best to seek a long-term professional about it.
Think of professional help as a neutral and unbiased source of moral support. They won’t gossip behind your back and they will be there to provide different insights, challenge you, and encourage you.
If you are insecure, it is possible to cultivate that trust once more.
In conclusion, relationships can breed or bring out one’s insecurity, but it is surprisingly common, can cause us to overextend ourselves, can change our self-attraction, could be tied to other health issues, is worth talking about, is not reflective of your personal worth, and many more. To top it off, trust is the key ingredient to combat potential insecurity and if it is really harming you, then it’s okay to seek impartial professional support.
As Steven Furtick once said,
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”